Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
