I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
