the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
