I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ketchup is God's man juice
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize