Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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