Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
