They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
