then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
