she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
