Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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