this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
