Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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