I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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