So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
