so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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