How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize