Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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