i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
