It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
