I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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