True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
