forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
