Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize