I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
