I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just gargled with NyQuil
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
