my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize