I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
