i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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