I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
