State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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