he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
