He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
