he shaved USA in his pubs
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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