im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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