i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
