I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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