i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We have started to decorate penises.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
