Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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