Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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