i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
false alarm, still single
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
