I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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