weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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