I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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