How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
