I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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