you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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