I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
