I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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