I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
