Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
