A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize