I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
