she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
