you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
