Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
