Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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