I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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