I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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