he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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