i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
