he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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