dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
MIDGETS
????
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
