I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Damn victory sex feels great
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