God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
