Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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