I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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