my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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