I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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