he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
