Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
