What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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