I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
