I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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